Remember the song, "God can make a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, He can make a way for me...He will be our guide, hold us closely to His side...He can make a way, HE can make a way..." something like that. It's the song God put in my head today while we were meeting with our lawyer in preparation for our court appearance on Friday. Everything has to go just-so in order for us to be on the plane as scheduled. God can make a way. Maybe His way won't be the same as MY way, but He can and will make a way for us.
Today has been really hard. One of our boys is a stuffer. He seems so easy going, and everyone likes having him around cuz he's "easy". But I can see that he stuffs his emotions and every once in a while they come out when he lays his head on the ground and whinpers with a really forlorn cry, for seeming no reason. then I'll pick him up and try to sing in his ear, and he stiffens and tries to keep away from my. I walk, pace, and sing softly to him -but he avoids eye contact. His heart is somewhere else... and after many minutes he will soften, and look at me, sometimes even smile. Our other boy, on the other hand...whew he doesn't stuff his feelings he vents them. Boy does he ever! Today I've been pinched, bitten, kicked, and slapped several times. It's heart breaking. This little guy wants to be held ALL the time. Yet he also doesn't know what he really wants, cuz he'll stiffen and arch his back, but if I set him down he yelps and screams like someone is peeling his skin off. I've sobbed while trying to calm him today - definitely compromising my ability to calm him when I myself couldn't get a grip. I need help. I need Karyn Purvis to stand next to me and coach me through this.
Please pray that Dave and I are so filled with God's Holy Spirit, so filled with His grace, and patience, and LOVE, that we can be the parents these boys need.
Praying, praying, praying for you, friend. These are the days when you're so close to the heart of Jesus that it's hard to breathe. Prayers that God will guide you into grace and that moment by moment, his love would sustain you. Because that's absolutely true. It's the only thing that will carry you through this intense, important time. Peace to you.
ReplyDeleteI am believing that you have been training for this your whole life. God knew you would one day be exactly where you are and he has orchestrated your past to prepare you for your future. You may not FEEL equipped, but you are. You have Jesus and he is enough. You and Dave spend your lives loving people as Christ would love them. And I believe it is because He is so well-pleased with your expression of His love to others that He now has entrusted you with a grander task. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done. You will grieve and you will wonder if you can do it. You will fail and you will find victory again as you lean on Him and he guides you in loving your boys through the unlovely behaviors that will undoubtedly challenge you in the days to come. But remember....you are not alone.
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