Wah wah

A couple weeks ago, an old friend of mine gave birth to her son just a few weeks before his due date.  Only he wasn't alive any more.  She joins the club of mommies who have lost their children before ever getting to look into their eyes, and hear their cries and coos.  It's a tragic sisterhood, I imagine.
I've got another friend, oh I love her so dearly, she's already a member of that club.  And she's now pregnant with twins in a very complicated high-risk pregnancy that medical experts are predicting will not end the way my friend (and me, and many others) are praying this pregnancy will turn out.  Heart-heavy stuff.
And so, I've been reluctant to post anything lately.
My daily happenings feel trite when I consider the journeys of those around me.  My challenges include sleep disruptions, as my children call out and my feet hit the floor anywhere from 4 to 9 times per night every night for the past several weeks.  Two mornings ago, I was sitting on my bathroom floor at 6:08 am.  It had been a "nine times woken" night, and I was crying one of those ugly gasping/sobbing cries and saying to Dave as he brushed his teeth and prepared to leave the house for a 6:30 mtg, "I, I can't do this for the next 14 hrs.  I can't be a Momma, I am too tired...(wah,wah..hiccup, sniff...gasp..)."  Poor guy.  He had nonstop meetings until 4 that day, but he said "Uh, do I need to cancel my day?  What do you need, Honey?"  "Nooo.  I just...I just don't know what to do anymore..."
Sometimes this Momma just feels so inadequate to meet the needs of her children.  And lately I've been reduced to pining after my own basic need of more sleep...and that feels so fickle.
But tonight I'll go to bed "early", and then maybe tomorrow - maybe tomorrow my blessed life; my life with four living, healthy kids and amazing husband, and incredible ministry, and terrific extended family, and true-blue friends, this abundant life I'm muddling through will feel as hopeful and blessed as it is.