Here We Go Again...and Again

I got a link to this blog post posted on my facebook wall from a friend today. I read it, and began crying one of those catch-your-breath cries. Now you wanna click over and read it, huh? For us adoptive mommas, this blog post hits home.
Lately I haven't known what to blog about because I feel like everything that's happening here on the home front is just more of the same, and I've already blogged about it: the boys are doing well, and yet there are days in which their whining, hitting, rage, fear, freak-out tantrums, and grunts of demands are going to do me in. Their "behaviors" are symptoms of their pasts and their transitions into our family - but these behaviors are difficult to explain to others, and difficult to see beyond, and difficult to love through. And on the other hand, there are days in which our sons seems so normal and typical, and life hums along like normal families live life. And giving affection is easier, but guilt also hovers nearby as I recognize the conditional love I'm giving. I feel like I've blogged about that before, so shouldn't we have moved past that by now?
And I've already blogged about Sadie Lou's struggle to find contentment in her new position in the family, and her loneliness when Ruby is at school, and her frustration that when Ruby is home she's so enchanted with the brothers, that even then little LouLou gets passed over. And hey, I brought her for bowling and ice cream. Check that box. Shouldn't that problem be old news by now? But then why was she so grumpy, whiny, tearful today? Why was she complaining that she's all alone and no one wants to be her friend - meaning "Mom, stop unloading groceries from the car, and come over here and do a puzzle with me NOW!"
And here we go again. Adoption. Parenting. Life. They are all cyclical opportunities to trust Jesus over and over for our satisfaction. And over and over realize our dependency on Him. But instead I keep thinking, "oh look, just over this next hill is the plateau that means I've reached the place where I can do this gig on my own. I've almost reached it. Yep. Here it is. I can take it from here, God, but thanks. Whew."
I'm such a slow learner.